Defense Mode

Defense Mode is when someone on the spectrum is scared, frustrated, or angry; as well as shut down and withdrawn.

Defense mode is living in the sympathetic nervous system. It is purely survival mode. We as humans are wired to instinctively protect ourselves. Survival mode stops and delays the “rest and digest” internal safety mode aspects of the nervous system, that causes angry or emotional outbursts, increased stimming and comfort measures and reduced social awareness.

This can seem like defiance or laziness, but it is rooted in being overwhelmed. Tunnel vision happens because there are too many stressful things happening. so you can’t block the world out while continually scanning for
“threats.”

Neuroception coined by Dr. Stephen Porges is your bodies ability to know if you are okay, to know if you are safe. Faulty Neuroception is when your nervous system is so stressed out that it picks up extra sensory things to be afraid of or nervous about causing anxiety, and hypervigilence or total shutdown about unseen or even irrational threats.

This is why most people on the spectrum are stuck. Not because they are unmotivated or defiant. They are simply overwhelmed and in Defense Mode.

Most people to try and fix this and assume knowledge is the problem. It’s more about emotional or sensory overload.

EXAMPLE: You lack organizational skills…. we’re going to get you color coded binders.

EXAMPLE: You lack social skills, we’re going to teach you social skills…..This only works to a certain extent because the nervous system’s inability to regulate itself out of intense levels of stress and overwhelm is still the key issue.

5 Resources of the Human Experience
● Time – I need time to do X
● Money – I need money to do X
● Knowledge. – I need knowledge/understanding to do X
● Energy – I need energy to do X
● Emotional Capacity – Is the availability of emotional processing required to
get through an overwhelming event.

Something that might be emotionally overwhelming to you might not be emotionally overwhelming to someone else

○ Emotional Capacity is currency that allows people on the spectrum to be regulated, do basic tasks, do homework, be independent, be social, etc.
○ Emotional Capacity and Motivation/ Capability are completely different things.
○ Figuring out whether something is a capacity problem or a capability problem is the first step to getting unstuck.

Every. Single. Time.

Example: Laundry
○ If it is a capability problem, all you need to do is show them how to do laundry, or maybe they have an absurdly busy day and they don’t have the time to do laundry. Once you give them the time or give them the knowledge, they are then able to do laundry.
○ If it is a capacity problem, they might not like the smell or the noise, they may be thinking about other priorities, if they have the time/ Motivation/ dedication to complete the task and it might overwhelm them. They may have conceived a story in their head of what it is like vs. what it actually is.

Every task turns into this big monster in our mind that we create and feed with our fear and anxiety. Which then creates an internal shame cycle, and rejection of ourselves or from others.

EXAMPLE: Homework
○ If it is a capability problem, there is a high chance that they simply do not know all the steps included to do the math problem.
○ If it is a capacity problem, they may be too overwhelmed to ask for help or too overwhelmed to be able to focus.

EXAMPLE: Going To School
○ If it is a capability problem, they arent feeling well, sick,
If it is a capacity problem, 99% of the time, if you dig enough, something terrible is happening/happened at school and it is
overwhelming them. Bullying, fights with social groups, feeling rejected, not feeling good enough etc.
Showering
○ Requires emotional capacity with senses, smells, temperature.

Keys to help Defense Mode
● 1. By understanding Defense Mode, what it is, what it causes
● 2. Helping them deal with their stress
● 3. Rebuilding the relationship if the relationship is strained/lack of trust, (not listening, not feeling heard, not feeling like your feelings matter) =which can cause defense mode
● 4. Increase your emotional capacity so you can help them increase their emotional capacity. (Coregulation)
● 5. Learning how to motivate them without micromanaging and being the task-master.