What makes ones family toxic is usually
aggressive denial or minimization of problems, abuse and dysfunction.
The hills they will die on are actually choices they make between their relationship with their children and how they look to the outside when it comes to their part.
“I never said that.”
“That never happened.”
“I never did that”
“What is your problem?”
“You’ve always been the problem.”
“So what if I hurt you.”
And the damage comes from how easily and
quickly they take their high ground.
In our healing journeys, we have to ask, what is really at stake for them and what are they choosing?
While it would be hard for anyone to hear and “So what if I hit you” and “I wish you were dead already”
It’s hard for anyone to hear, acknowledge, and process abuse that they had responsibility in.
But no one is going to die if they acknowledge, ask about or admit failings.
What would it mean to the survivor to hear..
“I’ve been hiding from that”
“I wasn’t in my right mind and I know you suffered because of my choices.
“l want to hear more and not be defensive”
Those would be coming from someone valuing and bridging a relationship with their children over the shame and reality of their parenting.
It’s a choice. and while the healthy examples
seem idealistic, they do happen in families that recognize they could lose us. Unfortunately in toxic families, they can’t wait for you to leave so they can stay in their regret, guilt, shame, and defense that everything was fine.
Please keep healing friends, I know you have it within you!
❤️ Nyssa
Phoenix Evolution 